TYRANDE MEETS HUMANS
Tyrande: I'm totally need to flip out! Are there any demons to kill, here in the forest
Other Night Elf chick: Look, something that isn't demons at all!
Human paladin: All right men! We're here to kill demons, and maybe save the world too if there's time! We sure have built a neat smithy!
Tyrande: Those people over there are clearly evil and probably demons!
Human paladin: Being a good guy is so cool! I just wish there were demons here to kill! I'll just pet this bunny instead.
Tyrande: I've seen enough! Time to kill some people!
Paladin: Sweet baby Jesus! ARROW'D!
Peasants: Our beautiful smithy! SIEGE DAMAGE'D!
Paladin: I'm too heroic to die! DIES.
Tyrande: That was totally appropriate!
Tyrande Meets Malfurion
Tyrande: Wake up! We really need to kill a lot of people!
Malfurion: Yawn! I find your murderous tendencies disturbing.
Tyrande: But there's demons and orcs and humans, and I'm really pissed off! Wake up all your friends and we're totally going to flip out and kill some people! Maybe some will be bad guys!
Malfurion: Whatever. I'm gonna get some breakfast.
Tyrande: Fine! Be like that! I'm gonna find something to shoot a lot!
Tyrande Meets Illidan
Tyrande: OMG! Illidan! HUG
Maiev: Back off! It's time for Illidan's morning 'poke with sticks'!
Tyrande: But Illidan's so bishi! And so very stable! And I love every boy!
Illidan: I would like not to be poked with sticks. Please let me out of this cage! I promise not to be addicted to magic!
Maiev: Illidan is very dangerous, and where are all my guards?
Tyrande: I totally flipped out and killed them! And now I'm freeing Illidan!
Maiev: I'm secretly crazier than you, but man, that was a ridiculously irresponsible thing to do!
Illidan: There are too many crazy broads here! DISAPPEARS
Tyrande Meets Medivh
Medivh: The Burning Legion has phat lewts! Archimonde is a 40-man instance! Raid or die!
Jaina: 60 mage LFG
Thrall: 60 shaman LFG
Tyrande: I say we flip out and kill everyone! Raids are for the weak!
Malfurion: Calm down, Tyrande. Group hug everybody! I'm sure we can beat this Archimonde guy with some positive thinking and hearts and sunshine and magic rainbows!
Tyrande: I want a divorce!
Then in the expansion, it becomes a sociopath competition between her and Maiev. I'm not sure who won. But basically any dialog the night elf females have in WC3 eventually boils down to the following:
Someone else: Reasonable suggestion.
Mistake: Destroying the old Troll Empires
Qiraji: Rawr, let's kill everything!
Trolls: Bugs for dinner!
Qiraji: Oofwaga! Run away!
Trolls: Aw, where'd all the yummy bugs go?
Night Elves: We're addicted to magic!
Troll: Those are the ugliest trolls I've ever seen.
NUKE'D
Trolls: Oofwaga! Run away!
Night Elves: We didn't need those losers anyway.
* Mistake #2 *
Vek'lor: Did you hear something?
Vek'Nilash: Holy crap, someone blew up the world!
Vek'lor: ORLY?
Vek'Nilash: YARLY!
Vek'lor: NO WAI!
Rajaax: Hey guys! I took a look around, and all the trolls are gone!
Vek & Vek: Really? What happened?
Rajaax: They must have all got killed when they blew up the world. Now there's only these sissy-looking Night Elf things.
Vek'lor: Killing time!
Rajaax: Sweet!
Vek'Nilash: I dunno, they look an awful lot like trolls. 'cept uglier. And more sissy-looking.
Rajaax: Aw, I wanna kill stuff!
Vek'Nilash: Let's ask the prophet, and heed the wisdom of our god!
Skeram: Ia! Ia! C'thun ftaghn!
Rajaax: ...
Vek'lor: He says go for it!
Rajaax: Rawr!
Night Elves: EEEEEK! ICKY BUGS! HELP!
Trolls: l2p Nub Elves.
Anachronos: I'LL take the case!
cue mistake #1.
Night Elf Chick: Neerraghhrareeoowwnargggle!!!
Someone else: I'm sorry, I don't speak crazy broad.
Night Elf Chick: FLIPS OUT, MAYBE KILLS SOME PEOPLE
Whatever's going on, whether it be trying to carry on a civil conversation with strangers or saving the world, nobody can get anything done over their terminal insanity. Apparently that was the whole thing with Azshara, she just flipped out and decided one day she wanted a tail.
Can you imagine the psychotic mood swings Malfurion must have dealt with for millenia? If I was a night elf guy, I'd hibernate for 10,000 years too.
edit: Formatting and remembered Malfurion believes in magic rainbows.
Mistake 1: Destroying the Scepter of the Shifting Sands
Bronze Dragonflight: "Now that we've finally sealed away the nemesis of all Azeroth, here's a scepter should you need to break the seal and fight them again."
Fandral: "WAAAHH!"
*breaks scepter*
Bronze Dragonflight: "You dumb f*cker."
Mistake 2: Destroying the Well of Eternity
Queen Azshara: "Blahaharrrgh, I'm addicted to magic!"
Night Elves: "Well I guess that's cool."
Queen Azshara: "Blahahaharrrgh, I'm summoning demons!"
Night Elves: "Ok, that's not so cool."
*Bigass War!*
Malfurion: "I've got an idea! Let's blow up the world!"
Tyrande: "Come on, that's your solution to everything."
Malfurion: "No it's not! By the way, hold this."
Tyrande: "Hey, this looks like a-"
KABLOOIE
Tyrande: "...dammit, Malfurion."
Mistake 3: Recreating the Well of Eternity, Then Leaving It There and Falling Asleep
Illidan: "Hey guys, now that we just got done blowing THAT up, I just made a new one!"
Night Elves: "You stupid f*cker."
Malfurion: "Illidan, you're under arrest for playing the devil rock music."
Illidan: "How wude!"
*SLAMMER'D!*
Malfurion: "Anyway, let's just plant a tree over top of this sucker and call it a day."
Tyrande: "Uh, what do you want us women to do, Mal honey?"
Malfurion: "You all stay awake and keep the stove warm in case we're hungry when we wake up. Oh, and don't go running off having fun with your friends or anything, I want you in the kitchen where you belong."
Tyrande: "But-"
Malfurion: "zzzzzzzzzzzz"
Tyrande: "Dammit."
Mistake 4: Staying Asleep
Orcs: "FOR THE HORDE! And also the Burning Legion!"
Night Elves: "zzzzzzzzz"
Undead: "For the lich king! Also, again, the Burning Legion!"
Night Elves: "zzzzzzSNRKzzzzz"
Mistake 5: Picking a Fight with the Orcs
Night Elves: "WTF?! Orcs cutting down our trees? Gettem!"
Cenarius: "I'LL take the case!"
*PWNT*
Night Elves: "WTF!!"
Grom Hellscream: [Orcish] kek
Mistake 6: Releasing Illidan
Tyrande: "We need help, gotta wake the druids up. Oh hey, Illidan! I'm sure 10,000 years of confinement has only rehabilitated him."
Illidan: "GROWLowlorarrrr"
Tyrande: "...although I could be wrong."
Illidan: "OOGHRARGHghhh!" *runs off*
Mistake 7: Blowing up the World, AGAIN
Medivh: "Quit fighting you nubs! Archimonde is coming!"
Night Elves: "Oh crap you're right. Too late now!"
Archimonde: "Bwahahahaha!"
Malfurion: "Hey, I've got an idea!"
Everyone: *groans*
KABLOOIE
Mistake 8: Stopping Illidan from killing the Lich King
Malfurion: "OMG! Illidan's doing something crazy to Northrend! Gotta stop him!"
Maiev: "I'm kookoo for catching Illidan!" *trips Tyrande*
Tyrande: "Aiiee!" *falls into river*
Malfurion and Illidan: "I'LL take the case!"
*rescue*
Illidan: "So you see, I was trying to DESTROY THE MOST POWERFUL EVIL BEING IN AZEROTH."
Malfurion: "Oh, uh..... my bad."
Mistake 9: Building a new World Tree
Fandral: "Man, I miss immortality. Let's make a new world tree!"
Malfurion: "I don't think that's a good-"
Fandral: "STFU nub."
*WORLD TREE'D!*
Fandral: "See? This place is great."
Malfurion: "I dunno, it smells kinda bad... and I think I just stepped in some ooze."
Fandral: "Yeah? Well if you don't like it, why don't you go get lost in the Emerald Dream for a few years?!"
Malfurion: "You know what?! I think I will!" *gets lost in the Emerald Dream*
Night Elves: *facepalm*
Rest of Alliance: "Remind me why we put up with these guys?"
Bronze Dragonflight: "Because you're all a bunch of dumb f*ckers."
Mistake: Trusting Arthas
Illidan: No one understands me. I'll show them I'm not addicted to magic. I can quit anytime I want. Just as soon as I get done crawling in my skin.
Arthas: Hi, I'm evil.
Illidan: Yar, we fight now!
Arthas: Hey, you're pretty good at this. I'm totally not holding back and flattering you or anything.
Illidan: You're right, I am pretty awesome.
Arthas: You know what would make you even more awesome? Consuming the powers of that there demonic artifact.
Illidan: Brilliant idea! I'm glad I thought of it.
Arthas: Oh, and when you get done with that, kill that Dreadlord what's responsible for keeping my boss, the Lich King, from getting out from under Kil'Jaeden's thumb.
Illidan: Sure thing buddy.
*Illidan takes skull, and transforms into a big friggen demon*
Illidan: Sweet!
Tichondrius: WTF HAX?
Illidan: Yar! I kill you!
Tichondrius: Blarg! I are dead!
Illidan: Yay! Now that I've turned myself into a big friggen demon, and killed this other big friggen demon, I've proved that I'm not demonic at all.
Tyrande: You stupid !&$%er.
Malfurion: GTFO!
Illidan: No one understands me!
Mistake: Trusting Kil'Jaeden
Kil'Jaeden: I'm hella pissed that you screwed us over.
Illidan: Oh noes!
Kil'Jaeden: But if you destroy the Lich King, we're cool. I'll also give you your heart's desire.
Illidan: Sweet! I'm just gonna assume that you mean magic, because Kil'Jaeden the deciever would never say anything that has a double meaning which will screw me over later.
Mistake: Hiding from from Kil'Jaeden in Outland
Illidan: Oh snap, I failed to kill the Lich King. If Kil'Jaeden finds me, I'm gonna get omgwtfpwned! I'd better hide. To do this, I shall flee from Azeroth, to which he has no access except by being summoned by absurdly powerful magics, the likes of which can only be cast by those who don't like him anyway, and instead going to Outland, which is basically his backyard.
Blood Elves and Naga: You are so smart!
Illidan: You understand me! Now lets beat up one of Kil'Jaeden's lieutenants and take over his fief. Kil'Jaeden will never be the wiser!
Magtheridon: WTF? Ow.
Illidan: Who da man? I da man!
Kil'Jaeden: No, I da man!
Illidan: Oh snap!
Kil'Jaeden: You're an idiot. Now get back to work.
Supplimentary Mistake: Leaving Illidan without adult supervision. Twice.
Dath'Remar: "Magic is fun! Look - I can turn this squirrel into a frog!"
Malfurion: "Yeah. Except when it breaks the world. Remember when it broke the world? You were there? I was there? A legion of howling demons was there?"
Dath'Remar: "... I fail to see your point."
Malfurion: "Look, I'll make it real simple - stop abusing the evil, demon-attracting powers, or you're out of here."
*MAGIC RAIN OF HIGH-BORNE EMO SADNESS AND CHAOTIC DESTRUCTION*
Malfurion: "Ok - you? Out. See that ocean? I want you on the other side of that ocean. Now."
"Hey, look, a forest! Just like the one we left because we didn't like those forest-dwelling moon-freaks! Yay!"
"Uhm - it's... Kinda full of Trolls. Can't we find a different forest?"
"I like this forest!"
"The last forest you liked was possessed by a creeping madness. Can't we find a nice valley, or some kind of mountain?"
"Forest!! Forest forest!"
"Hey... What's that?"
"Oh. It's a vial."
"Yeah, why's it glowing?"
"Cuz it's full of the waters of Eternity."
"... And you're going to pour it into the fountain."
"Yup."
"... Wait, isn't that exactly what the guy that got locked up for thousands of years for his evil act did? Y'know - 'the Betrayer'?"
"Yeah. 's his vial. He had a few extra ones."
"... Ok, just checking."
"Hey?"
"Yeah?"
"Those Trolls we threw out of here?"
"Yeah?"
"They're back. They look mad. Can't we just find an -empty- forest? I'm pretty sure those giant troll statues we had to clear out to make room for your rock garden mean they live here."
"No way! I told you - I like this forest! Die, filthy Trolls! Magic blast time! Magic blast! Yaay!"
"Uhm - can't you tone that down? I mean - remember what that Druid said? Dangerous forces? Howling Demons? Breaking the world?"
"... Stop siding with the squirrel-frog hater. Just make some Runestones or something."
Human: "Uhm... Hey, elf guys? We got a problem?"
Elf: "Hmm?"
Human: "Yeah - all that magic you taught us? There's... sort of been a complication."
Elf: -suppressed smile- "Oh? Really? Whatever do you mean?"
Human: "Well, strange creatures have been appearing."
Elf: "*snort* How odd!"
Human: "Yes - terrible monsters, with great physical strength, and even greater command of magical force."
Elf: "*giggle* Oh no!"
Human: "Yes - and even our strongest mages have had trouble dealing with them. Many among their ranks seem to be masters of turning the arcane against the wielder, or simply draining such power from the body."
Elf: -faked surprise- "Oh my!"
Human: "Yet, we still cannot understand where they are coming from! The farmers are fearful - blaming us Mages for these horrors. Worse yet, they may be right! Some wizards have begun to believe that our use of magic has weakened the fabric of reality itself, allowing these things to claw their way into our world from some unclean dimension! Have the Elves ever encountered such things?"
Elf: "Why -giggle-, no, I certainly can't *snort* recall... Bwahahahaha! Oh, man, that look on your face. Oh, that's priceless."
Human: "... Huh?"
Elf: "Yeah, we know them. They're demons. Scourge of the universe, attracted to magic, almost destroyed the planet once, blah blah blah. We were gonna tell you about them earlier, but then we thought letting you figure it out on your own would be a funny prank."
Human: "..."
Elf: "Aw, come on, don't be like that. You gotta admit, it was funny. 'Oh, terrible monsters are killing our mages'... Ha-ha! Man, you guys are so easy. Come on, let's just make a secret anti-demon club."
Human: "Hey... Uhh... Elves?
Elf: "Waddaya want? I'm busy!"
Human: "Well, there's these guys..."
Elf: "What guys?"
Human: "Big green guys. Orcs. They're kinda beating us up."
Elf: "Pfft. So?"
Human: "Can you help?"
Elf: "Gee, let me think... How about.. No! Buzz off, wuss. Jeez - humans are such wimps. Can't even handle... a bunch of..."
-Orcs and Trolls Attack Elf with sharp pointy things-
Elf: "... Ah!! Humans! Humans! Help me, humans!! Ow!! Help!..." -SPEARDED-
Human: "We are victorious! The Horde are beaten!"
Elf 1: "Pfft. No thanks to you meat-bags. We're out of here."
Humans: "But... I thought we were friends!"
Elf 1: "Dream on - We're way too cool to hang out with losers like you. We're going back to our forest."
Elf 2: "I still wanna be friends! How about I stay behind and live in Dalaran?
"
Human: "I don't know - now I'm kind of distrustful of Elves. Those other elves are jerks."
Elf 2: "Pweese!? ^_^"
Human: "Ok - but I'm going to be nurturing some resentment, and if the government colapses and we degrade into an angry and paranoid group of militant survivors, I'm so going crazy-racist on you guys."
Elf 2: "
"
Elf: "The Alliance has failed my people! The woods of Quel'Thalas have been tainted! Our Sunwell lies in ruins, drained of all power!"
Human: "You... told us you didn't wanna be in the Alliance anymore."
Elf: "We only meant that as far as helping you went! We still expected rescue! Our homeland is broken!"
Human: "Yeah? Join the club. See the floating magic Spires of Dalaran over there?"
Elf: "Uh - no?"
Human: "Exactly - because some tentacle-faced freak with a magic sand-castle broke them! I won't even start on what's going on in Lordaeron right now! Everything's falling apart here, too."
Elf: "Probably your fault, anyway. It's not our problem that you can't deal with your own lands. Your Alliance still failed the Elven people when we needed you most, and we are very angry."
Human: "Y'know... Aren't you the guys that started this whole 'demonic power from beyond' mess in the first place?"
Elf: "... Uh... That's not important. The point is... The Alliance failed! Blood! Sadness. Oh woe!..."
Human: "Oh, forget it. Say - how would you like to meet my good pal, Lord Garithos?"
Lady Vashj: "Hey. You need a fix?"
Kael'Thas: "... Uhm..."
Lady Vashj: "C'mon - permium Demon Energy. S' some good stuff."
Kael: "You speak of madness, my lady... Uhm - how much?"
Lady Vashj: "Tell you what - how's about we go to another dimension, and you can meet my boss. There's a rift, right over there. It's the only way to escape the humans!"
Kael: "... What about, y'know, leaving the city? There's a forest just over there. The humans aren't exactly in a position to abandon their posts and chase us."
Lady Vashj: "Look, are you gonna be a little wuss, or are you going to lead your people throgh a rift to a nether-torn dimension to meet my crazed and power-hungry master!?"
Kael: "... I ain't no wuss!..."
Illidan: "Nope. no cure."
Kael: "Oh."
Illidan: "Yeah. If I knew one, I wouldn't be a walking coat rack, and I'd still be able to wear shoes."
Kael: "So... uh... Can I hang out with you?"
Illidan: *shrug* "Sure."
Kael: "I pledge myself and my people to you, oh master. Our undying loyalty.... (thirty minutes later) ... and swift death to all your enemies! All glory to Illidan."
Illidan: "... Coo'. Wanna go break stuff?"
Kael: "Yes, oh master! Lead on, and we shall follow, even into the abyssal maw of the Nether itself!"
Illidan: "Heh - sure dude, whatever."
Number one: The Gnomes
The Troggs pop out of nowhere and start KILLING EVERYONE.
Troggs: MURDER DEATH KILL.
Mekkatorque: Onoes,what do we do?!
Thermaplugg: NUKE THE CITY!
Mekkatorque: Sicco, you're a genius!
Mekkatorque nukes the city. The radiation gives the Troggs SUPER POWERS...
Glow-in-the-dark Troggs: GROOVY.
They shoot balls of green stuff at the gnomes, who become EVIL LEPER ZOMBIE MIDGETS.
Leper Gnomes: Brainz...
Thermaplugg then gives Mekkatorque a wedgie and runs off in his Ride Armor.
Mekkatorque: OMG! EVACUATE TEH CITY!
The still-normal gnomes do.
Number Two: The Dwarves
King Anvilmar dies.
Bronzebeard:I'm tougher than you all, so I get to be the new king.
Wildhammer: I wanna be the new king!
Thaurissan: Me too!
The dwarves begin killing each other, until Bronzebeard kicks his ennemies out of Ironforge. The Wildhammers go dig a new hole in the Wetlands, while the Dark Irons go build a new city in Redridge.
Thaurissan: Now that we've finished building our new homes, lets leave them behind and take over Ironforge!
Dark Irons:Whee!
Thauirissan: We're going to split our forces in two and attack both our ennemies at the same time, even tough it'd be much less of a hassle to take them down one after the other.
Dark Irons:Whee!
Thaurissan attacks Ironforge and gets owned. Modgud attacks Grim Batol and gets owned too. The Dark Irons return home while the other dwarves team up to kick their asses.
Thaurissan: Time for Plan B! Lets summon a very powerful primordial force!
Seven Dwarves: Whee!
Thaurissan summon Ragnaros and destoys his entire kingdom and himself in the process.
Ragnaros: You mah #@%$!es now.
Bronzebeard: RETREAT!
Number Three: The humans.
King Terenas is sitting in his throne while stupid politicians argue. Medivh appears.
Medivh: GTFO of Lordaeron or you'll die!
Terenas: Nah, we cool here.
Number Four: The Trolls
The troll empires have been massiely crippled and the world blown up. The Trolls are in deep $!@%.
Trolls: We need help!
Hakkar: I'll help ya.
Trolls: Cool,ty.
Hakkar helps them, but it soons turns out Hakkar is a greedy blood-drinking #@%$!, and most Trolls don't want him around anymore.
Trolls: Hakkar, we don't like you anymore. Get outta our world.
Hakkar: NEVER! Butt-kissers, destroy the heretics!
Atal'ai: Yes, holy one!
The Trolls and Atal'ai fight. The trolls win and keep Hakkar out.
Hakkar: I'll be back!
Skullsplitters: So, what now?
Bloodscalps: Lets kill each other!
Skullsplitters: Good idea!
Darkspears: Well $!@%.
Number Five: The Orcs
Ner'zhul is sitting in his hut minding his own business when Kil'jaeden appears to him.
Kil'jaeden: I want you for the Burning Legion!
Ner'zhul: Uh, whadda I have to do?
Kil'jaeden points to Mannoroth, who just appeared out of nowhere.
Kil'jaeden: Drink his blood and give some of it to the other chieftains.
Ner'zhul: Eh, whats the worst that can happen?
Ner'zhul and the other orc chiefs drink Manny's blood. The orcs become big,red and angry, and genocidise the Draenei. Ner'zhul is not happy.
Ner'zhul: I don't think it was such a good idea anymore.
Gul'dan: Shut up, wuss! I'm taking over!
Ner'zhul: Dagnabbit.
Number six: The Tauren
Hamuul Runetotem: Shamanism is boring.
Night Elf: Hey dude,I can teach you DRUIDISM!
Hamuul: SWEET!
Number seven: The Forsaken
Sylvanas has just freed herself from the Lich King's grasp. She and her Forsaken pals decide to fight against the Dreadlords even tough Arthas and Kel'thuzad are still at large. Cause they feel like it. Sylvanas destroys Varimathras' forces.
Varimathras: Please don't kill me! I can help you murder my brothers and take the Plaguelands for yourself!
Sylvanas: Okay, I'll trust you even tough you just proved you have absolutely no qualms anout betraying your own people the second your life is in danger.
Varimathras: Yippee!
Burning Crusade opening cinematic:
Narrator:
The world of Azeroth is under siege from a terrifying array of hostile forces both alien and native. Life is uncertain and history holds its breath. Fortunately, however, no fewer than eleven brave and resourceful races inhabit Azeroth and seek to defend their home. This is a time for heroism, if ever there was one.
::dramatic music, floating camera::
Draenei: We led the demons all the way to the orcs. Kinda too bad, because we hate demons. We also hate orcs.
Orc: Grr.
Trolls: You traded long tusks for long EARS? GG.
Night Elf: Waaaah! You're not my real parents! stompstompstomp ::slamming door::
Blood Elf: Mom always liked me better anyway.
Orc: Home sweet secondrate new home. There's nothing but rocks! Where'll I keep my stuff?
Thrall: Deal. Cut down some trees.
Orc: There are no trees. We can't just pile up the rocks?
Thrall: CUT DOWN SOME TREES!
Goblin. We have palm trees. Also Christmas trees. And jungle trees. Wanna buy some trees?
Forsaken: There's no such thing as Christmas.
Orc: Sorry, we're all honorable now. So we'd rather steal 'em than buy 'em.
Ashenvale tree: ::sparklesparkle::
Orc: ooh, shiny.
Human: And in Ye Olde Countrie, Queen Christina of Sweden shot fleas with a cannon.
Gnome: WOW! WOW WOW! Can I have a flea cannon for Christmas?
Forsaken: The world is cold and dead and there is no such thing as Christmas!
Tauren: You dwarves have dynamited my settlement for the LAST TIME.
Dwarf: Look, Burgerboy, it's very simple. I have to dig a hole, because God buried something here.
Tauren: Grr. I'd really like to stab you . . .
Dwarf: God would never let you cows be rogues.
Tauren: Waaaah! clipclopclipclopclipclop ::slamming door::
Human: We lost the king. Can we replace him with an eight-year-old?
Bolvar: No.
Human: How about an eight-year-old and a dumb guy with muscles?
Bolvar: No.
Human: How about an eight-year-old, a dumb guy with muscles, and an evil dragon?
Bolvar: Okay. Who's the dumb guy with muscles?
Narrator: So yeah, it's like watching a train wreck. We figure everything will sink into the ocean in a couple months.
Goblin: Wanna buy a raft?
The Humans? Yeah - lots of messes in their history. Here's just a small sample:
The first Council of Trisifal meeting:
Elf: "... So now you know what we are up again. During the war, it took the combined forces of the greatest beings our world had to offer to check the demons. Now, we must find a way to keep them out of our world, or run the risk of a second invasion. Keep in mind that we face more than just sheer might - they are a corrupting, insidious influence, and wil ltry to worm their way into our very midst, luring our allies to their side with promises of power."
Elf 2: "Hey! How about more Runestones! We can share some of our stones with the humans."
Elf: "... No. They're my stones, and they're pretty."
Human Mage: "And it's too much work. I don't wanna drag giant stones around."
Human Mage 2: "How about we make five magic cats that fuse into a single giant Knight!"
Elf: "No. That's dumb."
Human Footman: "How about you just... Cut back on the magic? I mean, I'm sure if you use just a little, you can avoid being noticed, right?"
Elves and Human Mages: "..."
Human Mage: "Quiet! Bodyguards don't get to speak at the council meeting!"
Elf: "We've been thinking all hour, and still, not a single even remotely feasable idea. Not a one! We're doomed!"
Human Mage 2: "I got it! We should make... a Super-Mage! We'll pool all our power, and create a mage beyond the limitations of mere mortals! A mage so powerful as to be virtually unstoppable and unbeatable!"
Elf: "... Eh, I'll take it. Don't see how bestowing such power into a single individual could possibly back-fire."
The First War:
Footman: "My lord! Angry rats are attacking our cheese supply!"
The King of Stormwind: "Contact Medivh! He'll know what to do!"
Farmer: "My lord! My crops are drying from a lack of rain!"
King: "Send word to the Magus!"
Villager: "I saw a Ghost in my attic!"
King: "Fear not! The great Magus protects our kingdom. I'm sure he'll handle this problem."
Peasant: "My foot fell asleep!"
King: "Doesn't seem like a problem worth bothering the Magus about... But I think we should anyway. I'm bad with independant thought."
Footman: "Orcs!"
King: "Oh, do you even have to ask? Who's the caretaker of our kingdom? Who solves all these problems? Just write a letter to Medivh or something!"
Khadgar: "My lord! The Magus has gone mad, and the world is in grave danger!"
King: "Uhm... Uhm... Servant! Fetch me my royal ear-plugs! Come on, everything will be just fine! You'll see! The Magus will make everything better."
The King's Death:
King: "Garona? Are you alright?"
Garona: -sob, twitch, growl, giggle, drool- "Kill... will kill... Rrrh... Uhm, just fine, my lord!"
King: "Well, ok. I was worried a bit. Y'know, it's nice to be able to rely on people you just met, even though they were loyal to my enemy only weeks earlier! It's glad to know I can rely on you!"
Garona: -whimper, twitch, mumble, sing-show-tunes- "Kill... No - yes - no-yes!... Arrrr! Lost, lost, torn between two worlds! No home - no light - no warmth - only darkness, darkness and hate... Er - I mean, of course you can, my King! I've certainly not had the potential to turn on you, even before my mind was scrambled by a mad Guardian!"
King: "Awesome! I'm just going to turn my back on you while I adjust some of the pieces on this neat little miniature model of the city! Hope you don't mind."
After the Second War:
Archmage: "The left-over Orcs are a serious problem."
Knight: "Yes - killing them all would be a little too evil. But where do we put them?"
Gnome: "In some unused stretch of land, where they can live without bothering us?"
Knight: "... Pfft - right. No, let's stick them in a bunch of cages. That'd be a good and permanent solution to our problem!"
Archmage: "Yes - Internment Camps! Brilliant! Yet, who do we assign to guard them?"
Footman: "Someone who distinguished himself in battle - someone with no fear of the Orcs, and a noble and tried spirit!"
Knight: "No way! Distinguished in battle is one thing - but I don't wanna waste any of our guys with noble and tried spirit on it. I mean, looking after Orcs? Ew!!"
Archmage: "Agreed. We shall give this job to the most capable of the shifty, unlikable, and potentially trecherous humans!"
- Blackmoore stumbles in, drunk to a level that borders on alcohol poisoning -
Blackmoore: "Y-you all disgust me! *hic* Look at you, jus' sittin' here, thinkin' you're better than everyone! Well, *hic*, you're not better than me! Maybe you can run faster, but that doesn' give you the right ta laugh' at me!! You heard me!?" He stumbles over a chair, falling right before the conference table. "I... W-wait a minute... These aren't the stables. Y-you ain't a horse! You ain' a horse at all. Somethin' ain' right here!... Horses... Horses dun' sit behind tables..."
Blackmoore vomits, then faints.
Archmage: "... Yup, perfect. He's got the job."
Kel'Thuzad's Fall:
Kel'Thuzad: "Yes, voice in my head! You're so right!"
Antonidas: "Kel'Thuzad!!"
Kel'Thuzad: "Huh?"
Antonidas: "You are here-by expelled from the Kirin Tor, for practising your abhorrent brand of magic!"
Kel'Thuzad: "... So, you're planning on throwing me out."
Antonidas: "Yes."
Kel'Thuzad: "Not imprisoning me, or rehabilitating me, or anything like that?"
Antonidas: "Yes - we're just asking you to leave."
Kel'Thuzad: "Uhm - will you be taking any steps to halt my further studies of such forbidden magics, now that you've forced me to move on to some place where you can no longer monitor my actions?"
Antonidas: "We're kind of hoping this nice 'Please don't be an Evil Necromancer' card our Apprentice Wizard class made for you as a farewell present will keep you from your evil ways."
Kel'Thuzad: "... Sure! Yup. I promise! No more evil for me. The glue, glitter, and dry macaroni have convinced me! Now, off I go, not to the Frozen North!"
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